No Such Thing As Too Much Fun

"Hey Dylan? I wanna be super serious with you, alright?"

"Yeah man, like... no prolem. Wass up?"

"OK, this is exactly what I want to talk about. You know that body can't handle liquor like your regular one, right?"

"Yeah, totally."

"Aaand, when we get too drunk, we make bad decisions, right?"

"Are you stil mad about that guy from las night? I'll be quieter next time, god."

"No, I'm not--"

"You could get laid too you know, for real. You're kinda short but you have great tits. Look at 'em! If I felt any attraction for girls right now, I would eat you out soo hard. God I love that this is a nude beach."

"*Sigh*... OK, look. I get that you're having fun. But remember: every time you-- hey, look at me! Every time you have sex, it adds another week before you'll change back."

"Don't be jealous, you can toally catch up."

"Look, I'm not jealous, I'm just--"

"Aright, shut up for a second... So if it's eight. No, wait, if it's nine, but the first one was a blow jay and the last one was in my butt. How long do I still have boobs?"

"Dylan, you absolute slu--"

"Oh shit, they're doing shots at the tiki bar!"

What Are Friends For?

"OK, look, I'll show them to you one time. Happy?"

"That was like half a second! I don't get why you're making such a big deal out of it."

"Because I just turned into a girl three days ago! Maybe I'm not comfortable showing you my freaking tits any time you ask."

"Dude, we fucked last night."

"First of all, rude. Secondly, that was a one-time thing and a mistake and never should have happened!"

"Alright, jeez. You wanna go grab something to eat?"

"Yeah, sure. Hey..."

"What?"

"What if we made it, like, a two-time thing?"

Finding New Interests

Tom leaned his head back and sighed. "Ethan, dude, what are we doing?"

Gift Advice

Hey fellas! If you're planning to give your wife or girlfriend sexy lingerie for Christmas this year, just be absolutely certain that it's a gift she'll appreciate.

Otherwise, you might hear the phrase, "If you like it so much, maybe YOU should wear it!"

Of course, I won't tell if you want to pick up something for yourself this year.

Happy Turkey Day!

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American readers, and happy Thursday to the rest of you! I'm thankful for all you weirdos out there who enjoy my dirty little stories ;)

Hope everyone gets all the stuffing they can handle today!!

Can't Talk Now

"Jonah? Oh sweetie, thank god you finally picked up. I was getting worried!"

"Mmmhmmph."

"Well, anyways, I finally found that darn spellbook. I think we have everything we need for the ritual at home."

"Mm, mmhmm."

"I know this has been really hard on you, but it'll all be over soon. I mean, the book says the only thing that would seal the magic is if either of us come into contact with, ugh, sexual fluids, but obviously that's the last thing either of us wants."

"Right, yeah, mkay. And you know if it doesn't work or whatever, we'll figure it out. Gotta go, um, got my hands full at the house!"

Something Missing

Walking through the ancient ruins on your vacation, you can't help but feel like something is amiss. You know there's something important you can't remember, but what is it?

You stand there thinking for a while, almost convinced you can hear someone laughing. You decide to mentally retrace the last 24 hours.

You'd arrived late last night, and beaten that old crone to the last taxi from the airport.

At the hotel bar, you'd gotten drunk with a gorgeous local woman, only for her to misinterpret one of your jokes right as you were about to seal the deal.

Touring this ancient temple today, you'd ducked away from the group for just a minute to check out some kind of altar to their goddess that had been roped off. Something had fallen and broken, but you were positive no one had seen you.

After the tour, you'd bought a churro.

You look down, your eyes lingering on the impressive cleavage spilling out of your bikini top, before letting your hands drop to your sides and trace the curve of your exposed ass cheeks absentmindedly as you stare into the distance.

Shit! The realization dawns and you start sprinting back to the food vendor. You'd forgotten your purse!