No Such Thing As Too Much Fun

"Hey Dylan? I wanna be super serious with you, alright?"

"Yeah man, like... no prolem. Wass up?"

"OK, this is exactly what I want to talk about. You know that body can't handle liquor like your regular one, right?"

"Yeah, totally."

"Aaand, when we get too drunk, we make bad decisions, right?"

"Are you stil mad about that guy from las night? I'll be quieter next time, god."

"No, I'm not--"

"You could get laid too you know, for real. You're kinda short but you have great tits. Look at 'em! If I felt any attraction for girls right now, I would eat you out soo hard. God I love that this is a nude beach."

"*Sigh*... OK, look. I get that you're having fun. But remember: every time you-- hey, look at me! Every time you have sex, it adds another week before you'll change back."

"Don't be jealous, you can toally catch up."

"Look, I'm not jealous, I'm just--"

"Aright, shut up for a second... So if it's eight. No, wait, if it's nine, but the first one was a blow jay and the last one was in my butt. How long do I still have boobs?"

"Dylan, you absolute slu--"

"Oh shit, they're doing shots at the tiki bar!"

"Light"-weight

"Those guys I was dancing with, they were SO friendly! We should go dance more, Kyle!"

"Yup, but it's closing time, remember?" I murmured while trying to move the drunk girl's legs away from the door. The sooner I could close it, the sooner we could put an end to this bonkers night.

Rough Breakup

"And anotherr thing... being a chick? Not that fuckin' bad. I didn't have to-- I didn't buy one goddamn drink all day!"

The Same Old Mistake

A while back, I'd gotten myself stuck in my stepmom Karen's body. Due to a slight incident involving me masturbating into her panties, she had taken the extreme step of turning me into a copy of herself. Eventually, she changed me back, and I swore I'd never let it happen again.

Not That Kind of Serum

"Remember, it's lick, sip, suck," the girl at the bar instructed her friend. In unison, they each licked salt off their hands, threw back their shotglasses, and bit into a lime wedge. The first girl let out a "Whoo!" and turned towards the dance floor.

Her friend reached out to stop her. "Hey, I thought this was some kind of serum to turn me back into a guy!"

"What? No, I don't have any idea how to do that. Those were just tequila shots!"

"You said you were going to help me!"

"I meant I'd help you hook up with a guy! Trust me, it helps if you're a little drunk. Us big girls don't always get the pick of the litter. Ooh, that guy with the mullet just looked your way!"

Drunk Shopping

…Ugh, what time is it? 11 am… I guess I must have gotten pretty hammered last night. That’s the trouble with having no friends (other than Jack and Jim… Jose might have even showed up at some point). Stupid sunlight, stupid pounding headache, stupid me for drinking alone in my apartment again.