Seven Swans A-Swimming

Fun fact: being pregnant is extremely uncomfortable. I spent most of the night rolling around and generally sleeping like garbage. After finally nodding off for a few hours, I woke up to a text message on the phone next to me.

"Meet me by the pool." I looked down, still seeing my round belly and swollen boobs. Apparently George planned to give me today's gift when I got there, which meant he wanted me to waddle around in my big, pregnant body a little longer. What an asshole.

Six Geese A-Laying

After my rough night with Larry, I woke up for the first time eager to get my next "gift" from George. I hated my old, saggy tits, I hated my brute of a husband, and I really hated how simply "being a woman" was no longer my top complaint.

Five Golden Rings

After spending the previous day as the personal assistant to the douchiest attorney at my firm, I was officially feeling broken. George's magic had forced me into acting like a bimbo slut all day, and the memories of being bent over every piece of furniture in the office were all too vivid.

Four Calling Birds

I woke up in the dark and reached hopefully towards my crotch. "Uhh, fuck. Still a chick." At least that stupid fake accent was gone. I guess that part wore off after the day of the "gift" ended.

Three French Hens

I rolled over the next morning with a sore pussy and a clear head. Despite the memories of last night's incredible sex, I no longer felt any attraction to George. Speak of the devil, where was he? I gagged a little when I thought of how we fell asleep spooned together, his dick pressed against my ass.

Two Turtledoves

After the cursed pear turned me into a woman, I spent the rest of the night hiding from George. I would have stayed locked in my room, but eventually my bladder demanded otherwise. Out of sheer habit, I stood in front of the toilet, reached down, and grabbed... nothing. My cheeks burned as I lowered the seat and turned around.

A Partridge in a Pear Tree

"George? You home?" I silently hoped for no response. Nothing against my roommate, but I didn't feel like company at the moment. I'd made the mistake of telling one of the partners at my law firm that I wouldn't be going home for Christmas, which he saw as an opportunity to have a first year associate retrieve a case file from the office this morning. Who the hell works on Christmas?

Christmas Can Be Stressful

"Oh, excuse me! Sorry, miss, I expecting Santa." The young elf didn't recognize the scantily-clad woman in Santa's study, but then again, it was his first Christmas at the North Pole. "I needed to deliver a message from Mrs. Claus, and, um... sorry, where is Santa?"

"I'm-- er, he's, well... never mind that. He'll probably be back any time. I'm sure you're busy and I know he was expecting Mrs. Claus, so maybe I can pass along her message?"

"Of course... She said she was tied up in the bakery and couldn't make it to their normal 'reindeer games'. Then she said Santa might find a candy cane relaxing, but she didn't send me with anything..."

The woman nodded thoughtfully. "Yes... Santa gets awfully stressed this time of year, and he and Mrs. Claus have come up with all sorts of... creative ways to deal with that. You know, I'm feeling a little stressed myself. Maybe if I dig around, I'll find something to suck on, even if it's not a candy cane..."

Wasting Wishes

I stared bug-eyed at the oddly-dressed little man who had materialized in my kitchen. "So wait, you're an actual, for real genie?"

Money Well Spent

Getting divorced after catching your husband in bed with a dirty whore: $30,000

Hiring a black-market surgeon to turn your cheating husband into a woman: $100,000

That first grainy photo of him naked in the backwoods town in eastern Europe you shipped him to, slowly coming to grips with his new life: priceless

A Matter of Self-Control

Courtney, my wife, was gorgeous, but always complaining about her weight. "If I lost 10 pounds, I'd look so much better." Every time, I'd reassure her that she was the sexiest woman I'd ever met, and there was no need to change anything about herself.

After the hundredth time, though, I was sick of hearing about it. "Ugh! You know you don't need to, but if you really want to lose weight, just get some self-control and do it already!"

Excessive Punishment

"Come on David, you have to fight it! Don't stop sucking my fat cock, bitch!"

"Damn it Becky, I'm trying! You know I'm just your dirty little slut!"

Not That Kind of Serum

"Remember, it's lick, sip, suck," the girl at the bar instructed her friend. In unison, they each licked salt off their hands, threw back their shotglasses, and bit into a lime wedge. The first girl let out a "Whoo!" and turned towards the dance floor.

Her friend reached out to stop her. "Hey, I thought this was some kind of serum to turn me back into a guy!"

"What? No, I don't have any idea how to do that. Those were just tequila shots!"

"You said you were going to help me!"

"I meant I'd help you hook up with a guy! Trust me, it helps if you're a little drunk. Us big girls don't always get the pick of the litter. Ooh, that guy with the mullet just looked your way!"

Becoming More Flexible

After writing TG captions for a while, frustration started to set in. Every time I came up with a great idea, it seemed impossible to find a picture that fit my vision for the story.

Saddle Up

We'd established a simple set of rules. While you were transformed, you had to perform any command from the rest of the group for one hour. It was supposed to be in good fun, but after a cooler full of beer in the middle of the woods, things get a little weird.

Winning the Divorce

As it turns out, I have a terrible lawyer. When my wife and I divorced, she took me to the cleaners: the house, the cars, the vintage collectibles... she even got the damn dog!

On the other hand, I have a fantastic witch doctor. Not only did I get all my stuff back from my ex, I ended up with her smoking hot body!

Christmas Shopping

I'd hoped that going Christmas shopping with my boyfriend would be a fun activity for the two of us, but after six stores he was already complaining.