Not MY Husband

Relief washed over me as I saw my wife enter the room. "Liz, baby! It's me, Henry! Some crazy bimbo broke in, and she-- she switched bodies with me. I know it sounds nuts, but you've gotta believe me!"

How Did This Happen?

Brooke had told me time after time about her loser boyfriend, how he could never keep a decent job or contribute around their apartment. I tried to be a supportive friend, but one day I finally blurted out, "I can't listen to this again. All you ever do is complain about this guy! I'm trying to think of one good reason out of everything you've told me why you shouldn't just break up with him!"

Brotherly Love

"Oh yeah, you like that, big boy?"

"Ugh," Brendan grumbled. "Elaine would never say that."

"Yeah, and she would never be grinding on top of you with her tits in your face, so just shut up and let me get this over with."

No Such Thing As Too Much Fun

"Hey Dylan? I wanna be super serious with you, alright?"

"Yeah man, like... no prolem. Wass up?"

"OK, this is exactly what I want to talk about. You know that body can't handle liquor like your regular one, right?"

"Yeah, totally."

"Aaand, when we get too drunk, we make bad decisions, right?"

"Are you stil mad about that guy from las night? I'll be quieter next time, god."

"No, I'm not--"

"You could get laid too you know, for real. You're kinda short but you have great tits. Look at 'em! If I felt any attraction for girls right now, I would eat you out soo hard. God I love that this is a nude beach."

"*Sigh*... OK, look. I get that you're having fun. But remember: every time you-- hey, look at me! Every time you have sex, it adds another week before you'll change back."

"Don't be jealous, you can toally catch up."

"Look, I'm not jealous, I'm just--"

"Aright, shut up for a second... So if it's eight. No, wait, if it's nine, but the first one was a blow jay and the last one was in my butt. How long do I still have boobs?"

"Dylan, you absolute slu--"

"Oh shit, they're doing shots at the tiki bar!"

What Are Friends For?

"OK, look, I'll show them to you one time. Happy?"

"That was like half a second! I don't get why you're making such a big deal out of it."

"Because I just turned into a girl three days ago! Maybe I'm not comfortable showing you my freaking tits any time you ask."

"Dude, we fucked last night."

"First of all, rude. Secondly, that was a one-time thing and a mistake and never should have happened!"

"Alright, jeez. You wanna go grab something to eat?"

"Yeah, sure. Hey..."

"What?"

"What if we made it, like, a two-time thing?"

Finding New Interests

Tom leaned his head back and sighed. "Ethan, dude, what are we doing?"

Gift Advice

Hey fellas! If you're planning to give your wife or girlfriend sexy lingerie for Christmas this year, just be absolutely certain that it's a gift she'll appreciate.

Otherwise, you might hear the phrase, "If you like it so much, maybe YOU should wear it!"

Of course, I won't tell if you want to pick up something for yourself this year.