Romantic Getaway

"You're absolutely sure you're OK with this? You don't want to call the front desk and have them put us in the right bodies?"

I rolled my eyes. "For the hundredth time, yes! The whole point of this weekend was to spice things up. If your husband lying in front of you wearing lingerie and stockings isn't spicy, I don't know what is."

Still Mad

"Dude, you have no idea how pissed I am at you."

"Oh come on, how was I supposed to know this is what would happen when I booked the couple's package? I just thought it was an easy way to get free breakfast included."

"Yeah, well, don't get any big ideas."

Bullied

"Fucking finally, you're back. Where have you been?"

"Oh my god, hahaha, I totally forgot I left you feeling up your tits while I was gone!"

"My mom's... tits," I shot back through gritted teeth.

That's How It Starts

Hey there. I have a question that could change your life, but you need to hear my story first. It started as an innocent modeling job. The agent made it sound simple: I'd do ads for local businesses and have beer money all semester. After one session, a woman introduced herself, saying she'd gotten my info from the modeling agency. "I'm working on a project that could pay some real money. Are you in?"

I was a bit surprised she was interested in me. Some of the other guys looked like they had been chiseled from stone and clearly had previous experience. I started to say as much, but she quickly pressed a finger against my lips. "Shh, no need to worry. I want someone fresh, who's open to... different experiences."

Who was I to turn down a paycheck? Of course, you know what they say about a slippery slope. Once you say yes the first time, going just a little further doesn't seem so bad. So I said sure, she could put me in a little bit of makeup to make my features pop on camera. And sure, I could wear a dress for one artistic shoot.

Then you wake up one day and realize you don't even recognize your own reflection. And you can't remember the last time a woman flirted with you, but you know it was longer ago than the last time you blew a guy in a bar bathroom.

So it's a simple question, but really think before you answer. I know a way that you could make some real money. Are you in?

Were You Naughty Or Nice This Year?

Hi there, faithful readers! Hopefully Santa was good to you this year. Sorry about the lack of posting recently! I've been a little... tied up with other things.

I'm going to fire up the ol' caption engine again in 2020, on a more relaxed posting schedule. I genuinely enjoy the creative outlet, but my old self-imposed schedule made it feel like work when it should have been fun. Let's make this fun together in the new year! Once we're up and running a little, I'll try and put out some polls and other feedback tools to see what you fine folks want to read. If I wanted to do this just for myself, I'd print out my posts and tape them to the wall, as a totally normal, non-crazy person might do.

So strap in, strap on, and stay tuned!

Like Herding Cats

"Here, let's try this one."

"No, you idiot, that spell made our boobs grow."

"Yeah, but Kyle's are bigger than mine."

"Hey, I found one that turns a man into your sex slave."

"How on earth is that going to help us?"

"We could try it, you know, just to see what happens."

"Nobody is turning anybody into their sex slave!"

"Can we at least take a break and make out some more?"

"God, you guys are impossible! Fine, we can make out for five minutes, then we have to keep working on changing back. No orgies this time!"

Fashion Lesson

I stood there, still thinking this had to be some sort of hallucination. I wrapped my arm around my beach ball-sized tits, trying to lift them. For a hallucination, it sure was killing my back.

My girlfriend smirked. "I'm waiting."