A Matter of Self-Control

Courtney, my wife, was gorgeous, but always complaining about her weight. "If I lost 10 pounds, I'd look so much better." Every time, I'd reassure her that she was the sexiest woman I'd ever met, and there was no need to change anything about herself.

After the hundredth time, though, I was sick of hearing about it. "Ugh! You know you don't need to, but if you really want to lose weight, just get some self-control and do it already!"

Excessive Punishment

"Come on David, you have to fight it! Don't stop sucking my fat cock, bitch!"

"Damn it Becky, I'm trying! You know I'm just your dirty little slut!"

Not That Kind of Serum

"Remember, it's lick, sip, suck," the girl at the bar instructed her friend. In unison, they each licked salt off their hands, threw back their shotglasses, and bit into a lime wedge. The first girl let out a "Whoo!" and turned towards the dance floor.

Her friend reached out to stop her. "Hey, I thought this was some kind of serum to turn me back into a guy!"

"What? No, I don't have any idea how to do that. Those were just tequila shots!"

"You said you were going to help me!"

"I meant I'd help you hook up with a guy! Trust me, it helps if you're a little drunk. Us big girls don't always get the pick of the litter. Ooh, that guy with the mullet just looked your way!"

Becoming More Flexible

After writing TG captions for a while, frustration started to set in. Every time I came up with a great idea, it seemed impossible to find a picture that fit my vision for the story.

Saddle Up

We'd established a simple set of rules. While you were transformed, you had to perform any command from the rest of the group for one hour. It was supposed to be in good fun, but after a cooler full of beer in the middle of the woods, things get a little weird.

Winning the Divorce

As it turns out, I have a terrible lawyer. When my wife and I divorced, she took me to the cleaners: the house, the cars, the vintage collectibles... she even got the damn dog!

On the other hand, I have a fantastic witch doctor. Not only did I get all my stuff back from my ex, I ended up with her smoking hot body!

Christmas Shopping

I'd hoped that going Christmas shopping with my boyfriend would be a fun activity for the two of us, but after six stores he was already complaining.