For as long as anyone could remember, Andy had been a pretentious douche. He was the type who would overhear someone else's conversation, then butt in to explain how they were "actually..." wrong.
The trouble was, Andy wasn't as smart as he made himself out to be. Any intelligent discussion quickly blew through his expertise, and he'd spend the rest of the conversation silently fuming.
One day, Andy was shopping a flea market for some conversation piece to make him seem worldly and interesting. Eventually, he settled on an old brass oil lamp.
At home, Andy felt duped as he pulled the filthy lamp out of his bag. As he attempted to clean it with a rag, smoke began pouring out. The lamp started vibrating and Andy set it down in a panic, as a blinding flash filled the room. When Andy looked up, the smoke had cleared and a man wearing ornate clothing stood in front of him.
"Greetings, mortal. I am the genie of the lamp. You have released me, and for that you shall be granted three wishes as your heart desires." Andy's jaw dropped. A genie? That was impossible (and so cliched). However, with no other explanation for what had just happened, Andy thought about what to wish for. Money? Fame? No... He knew just what he wanted.
"Genie, I wish for total knowledge of every subject in the world!" The genie nodded impassively. "So shall it be." A strange sensation came over Andy, like warm water pouring into his brain. His mind came alive with information about art, science, business, and politics. Andy smiled smugly for a moment, but soon his brain began to boil. In addition to more intellectual pursuits, Andy knew what every tabloid said about every celebrity, the name of every old lady's cat in Topeka, and how many times the teenage boy next door had jerked off today.
"Genie, it's too much! Make it stop!" Andy closed his eyes and clutched his head in agony. The genie shrugged, replying, "I am sorry, but I cannot take something away from the one who has wished it." Andy dropped to his knees, trying to shut out the noise and find an answer. "Then-- make me someone else! I wish I was a different person, who didn't have to think about anything!" An impish grin crossed the genie's face. "So shall it be."
Andi stretched her arms as she awoke. "Good morning, darling," a man's voice drifted across the room. She sat up, her long blonde hair draped down over her swollen breasts. "Oh, Gene! I didn't think you'd still be home!" The man smiled. "You know how I hate to leave the two of you."
Andi smiled and looked down. She wasn't very far along, but she was so excited to be carrying Gene's baby. In a way, it was exciting to watch her belly start to puff out and her nipples grow large and dark. Her parents still didn't fully approve of Andi marrying a man so much older than she was, but she had never been happier. He took such good care of her. She never had to work, or impress people, or really do anything but what Gene asked her to do. She was the perfect little housewife, and soon the perfect little mother.
The only downside was that Gene had to be away so often on work. "I just wish you were free to stay here with me all the time. I'd make it worth your while," she said, running her fingers across her chest. Gene grinned as he walked over to the bed. He gently moved Andi to her back and raised her negligee. "So shall it be."
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