Keep Smiling

"Oh Carrie, you're positively glowing! Hold still, I need one more picture for Aunt Margaret."

I'm going to kill my sister. At least, if her swollen feet and aching back don't kill me first.

As her twin brother, I'd always been especially close to my sister. That's why it was no surprise when she called me over to freak out about her pregnancy.

"Mikey, I-- I have a huge favor to ask." She paused to gaze at her growing belly. "I'm excited to be a mom, but I hate being pregnant. I need a break, and I want you to take my place."

Clearly, the hormones had driven my sister insane. I sat silently as she withdrew a small, golden slab from her bag. The strange markings suggested that her husband, Barry, had found it on his latest archeology trip. "Based on my translation, this tablet allows the spirits of two people to change bodies for a day."

"Yeah, totally... except that's impossible."

"Just humor me?"

"Fine, but once we prove that this doesn't work, I'm leaving." She smiled gratefully, grabbed my hand, and started to read. At least her degree in ancient linguistics was being put to productive use.

As she read, my vision started to blur. More precisely, it was like I saw two images at the same time. I clamped my eyes shut until the headache disappeared, replaced by general soreness and exhaustion all over. My eyes sprang open when a familiar voice exclaimed, "Oh my god, it worked!"

For a moment, my brain couldn't register what I saw. There was my own body, sitting right in front of me! But that meant... I looked down, long hair partially obscuring the swollen boobs and round stomach hanging off of me. "You actually did it! I'm in your body!" As if for emphasis, I felt the baby kick. "Oh!"

Carrie smiled knowingly. "Yeah, that is the one cool thing. Thank you so much, Mike! You take it easy, and we'll be back to normal tomorrow night."

Fortunately, Barry was out of town for another week. Unfortunately, I found it impossible to get comfortable in Carrie's pregnant body. Not only was I adjusting to a different gender, there was another human growing in my stomach!

I figured I'd stay in sweatpants the whole time to minimize my exposure to my sister's more intimate areas. My plan almost worked, except for the constant pressure on my bladder constantly sending me to the bathroom. Around midnight, I treated myself to a bowl of ice cream covered in diced onions (which was delicious), cried watching a blender infomercial, and heaved myself into bed.

After about two hours of sleep between bathroom trips, I woke to my sister's phone buzzing with a text from our mom.

<<Hi sweetheart! I'll be there around noon to help set up.>>

Sensing major unpleasantness in my future, I called my own number. "Hey 'bro,' just wondering if you know why Mom is coming over later."

"Oh, yeah, um... my baby shower might possibly be today."

"WHAT?!?"

"I was overwhelmed and couldn't handle the thought of being the center of attention like that."

"And you thought I'd want to do it instead?"

"I know, I'm sorry! I owe you big time. Just take a shower and put on the outfit hanging on the door. I left makeup instructions in the bathroom drawer!"

"Carrie, I swear, if you don't-- hello? Hello?" She hung up on me!

With little choice, I proceeded as directed. Curiosity overtook embarrassment as I stripped in front of the bathroom mirror. "Damn, Carrie, your nipples are huge." I immediately regretted that phrasing. "I guess... my nipples are huge?" Still weird, but slightly better. Transfixed by my reflection, I lifted my boobs, their weight sloshing around in my hands. I turned sideways, fascinated by how far my belly jutted out. I touched it softly, smiling unconsciously as I realized another life was growing inside me.

I broke my trance and stepped into the shower. I won't admit to the things I did with the detachable shower head, but let's say I'm glad Barry wasn't around to hear anything. The clothing turned out to be more of a challenge than the makeup, with all the byzantine support garments fighting me the whole time. Once everything was securely fastened, I was conflictingly pleased and embarrassed with how pretty I felt.

I did my best to act the part in front of my mom and all the other ladies, chalking up any mental slips to pregnancy brain. I smiled as I waddled around uncomfortably, I smiled as relatives I barely remembered told graphic stories about their own pregnancies, and I smiled as every damn woman there rubbed my belly. By the end of the shower, my face was nearly as sore as my back.

After everyone left, I sank into the couch in exhaustion. I waited to switch back, but nothing happened. Eventually I gave up and went to bed. When I woke up in the morning still female and pregnant, I called my sister over.

After twenty minutes poring over the tablet, she finally spoke. "Mikey, don't be mad..."

"Oh, I have a strong feeling I'm going to be."

"It's possible that I mis-translated something. I thought the magic referenced one solar cycle, but it actually refers to the moon. Meaning--"

"We're stuck this way for a month?!?"

Carrie looked at me apologetically as I faced the thought of the next few weeks as a pregnant woman. Unless... oh no. No, no, no. "Carrie, when's your due date?"

I could already tell before she spoke. "I'm so sorry... it's in 23 days."