Seven Swans A-Swimming

Fun fact: being pregnant is extremely uncomfortable. I spent most of the night rolling around and generally sleeping like garbage. After finally nodding off for a few hours, I woke up to a text message on the phone next to me.

"Meet me by the pool." I looked down, still seeing my round belly and swollen boobs. Apparently George planned to give me today's gift when I got there, which meant he wanted me to waddle around in my big, pregnant body a little longer. What an asshole.

Six Geese A-Laying

After my rough night with Larry, I woke up for the first time eager to get my next "gift" from George. I hated my old, saggy tits, I hated my brute of a husband, and I really hated how simply "being a woman" was no longer my top complaint.

Five Golden Rings

After spending the previous day as the personal assistant to the douchiest attorney at my firm, I was officially feeling broken. George's magic had forced me into acting like a bimbo slut all day, and the memories of being bent over every piece of furniture in the office were all too vivid.

Four Calling Birds

I woke up in the dark and reached hopefully towards my crotch. "Uhh, fuck. Still a chick." At least that stupid fake accent was gone. I guess that part wore off after the day of the "gift" ended.

Three French Hens

I rolled over the next morning with a sore pussy and a clear head. Despite the memories of last night's incredible sex, I no longer felt any attraction to George. Speak of the devil, where was he? I gagged a little when I thought of how we fell asleep spooned together, his dick pressed against my ass.

Two Turtledoves

After the cursed pear turned me into a woman, I spent the rest of the night hiding from George. I would have stayed locked in my room, but eventually my bladder demanded otherwise. Out of sheer habit, I stood in front of the toilet, reached down, and grabbed... nothing. My cheeks burned as I lowered the seat and turned around.

A Partridge in a Pear Tree

"George? You home?" I silently hoped for no response. Nothing against my roommate, but I didn't feel like company at the moment. I'd made the mistake of telling one of the partners at my law firm that I wouldn't be going home for Christmas, which he saw as an opportunity to have a first year associate retrieve a case file from the office this morning. Who the hell works on Christmas?

Christmas Can Be Stressful

"Oh, excuse me! Sorry, miss, I expecting Santa." The young elf didn't recognize the scantily-clad woman in Santa's study, but then again, it was his first Christmas at the North Pole. "I needed to deliver a message from Mrs. Claus, and, um... sorry, where is Santa?"

"I'm-- er, he's, well... never mind that. He'll probably be back any time. I'm sure you're busy and I know he was expecting Mrs. Claus, so maybe I can pass along her message?"

"Of course... She said she was tied up in the bakery and couldn't make it to their normal 'reindeer games'. Then she said Santa might find a candy cane relaxing, but she didn't send me with anything..."

The woman nodded thoughtfully. "Yes... Santa gets awfully stressed this time of year, and he and Mrs. Claus have come up with all sorts of... creative ways to deal with that. You know, I'm feeling a little stressed myself. Maybe if I dig around, I'll find something to suck on, even if it's not a candy cane..."

Wasting Wishes

I stared bug-eyed at the oddly-dressed little man who had materialized in my kitchen. "So wait, you're an actual, for real genie?"

Money Well Spent

Getting divorced after catching your husband in bed with a dirty whore: $30,000

Hiring a black-market surgeon to turn your cheating husband into a woman: $100,000

That first grainy photo of him naked in the backwoods town in eastern Europe you shipped him to, slowly coming to grips with his new life: priceless

A Matter of Self-Control

Courtney, my wife, was gorgeous, but always complaining about her weight. "If I lost 10 pounds, I'd look so much better." Every time, I'd reassure her that she was the sexiest woman I'd ever met, and there was no need to change anything about herself.

After the hundredth time, though, I was sick of hearing about it. "Ugh! You know you don't need to, but if you really want to lose weight, just get some self-control and do it already!"

Excessive Punishment

"Come on David, you have to fight it! Don't stop sucking my fat cock, bitch!"

"Damn it Becky, I'm trying! You know I'm just your dirty little slut!"

Not That Kind of Serum

"Remember, it's lick, sip, suck," the girl at the bar instructed her friend. In unison, they each licked salt off their hands, threw back their shotglasses, and bit into a lime wedge. The first girl let out a "Whoo!" and turned towards the dance floor.

Her friend reached out to stop her. "Hey, I thought this was some kind of serum to turn me back into a guy!"

"What? No, I don't have any idea how to do that. Those were just tequila shots!"

"You said you were going to help me!"

"I meant I'd help you hook up with a guy! Trust me, it helps if you're a little drunk. Us big girls don't always get the pick of the litter. Ooh, that guy with the mullet just looked your way!"

Becoming More Flexible

After writing TG captions for a while, frustration started to set in. Every time I came up with a great idea, it seemed impossible to find a picture that fit my vision for the story.

Saddle Up

We'd established a simple set of rules. While you were transformed, you had to perform any command from the rest of the group for one hour. It was supposed to be in good fun, but after a cooler full of beer in the middle of the woods, things get a little weird.

Winning the Divorce

As it turns out, I have a terrible lawyer. When my wife and I divorced, she took me to the cleaners: the house, the cars, the vintage collectibles... she even got the damn dog!

On the other hand, I have a fantastic witch doctor. Not only did I get all my stuff back from my ex, I ended up with her smoking hot body!

Christmas Shopping

I'd hoped that going Christmas shopping with my boyfriend would be a fun activity for the two of us, but after six stores he was already complaining.

My Big Mouth

One more bite, then I have to stop. I've almost eaten the whole effing cake!

Not Sure If This Is Clean or Dirty

Frank loved his car. Nothing could change that fact, especially something as silly as transforming into a big-bootied bimbo.

The doctors called his reaction to the chemical spill a "freak chromosomal mutation." Whatever the case, it left him fully female, from head to huge, sexy butt.

Now, Frank had never been accused of being terribly bright before, but as Francine he seemed even dumber. Can you believe he forgot to roll the windows all the way up before washing his car?

Changing Things Up

I love seeing this look on their faces. It's a little bit surprise, a little bit fear, and hopefully a little bit arousal.

Miscalculation

I've always been into Asian girls. Well, I guess that's not 100% accurate. Truth be told, I always wanted to be a girl, and the idea of being an Asian girl was the hottest thing of all.

Dangerous Curves Ahead

A word of advice from one guy to another: if you ever get the chance to make a wish, be very careful how you word it. When I asked to be "the owner of an exotic car with sexy curves," I ended up with both!

A Little Knowledge is a Dangerous Thing

For as long as anyone could remember, Andy had been a pretentious douche. He was the type who would overhear someone else's conversation, then butt in to explain how they were "actually..." wrong.

Follow Me

Look, you're cute, and you seem sweet, so I'm going to give you a warning. Don't follow me through this door. I'm not playing hard to get, I'm just looking out for your own good. Strange things happen on the other side of this door. What do I mean? Well, the truth is... I used to be a guy, just like you.

The Bet

When my wife bet me that I couldn't last a week in her body without begging for sex, I couldn't help but laugh. Piece of cake! I knew I wasn't attracted to guys, and either way it was just mind over matter.

Once I was in her body, it was a different story. I couldn’t believe how hot it was seeing my old muscles flex when my wife picked things up, and the way my wife’s lacy underwear kept rubbing me didn’t help either. I tried everything to resist: chewing gum, taking a cold shower, doing mindless chores to distract myself… Eventually, I couldn’t take it any more. We stripped naked and I pushed her down on the bed. I was literally shaking as I slid my new pussy around my old cock.

All in all, I feel pretty pleased that I lasted 4 whole hours before giving in.

Moms' Night Out

"Dude, I still don't get this plan."

"Don't call me dude in public. And what's not to get? We turn ourselves into copies of our moms, buy some booze to pregame, then go out partying. Everyone's parents think we're sleeping over at Ryan's house, but his parents are out of town and he's paying his little brother to cover if anyone calls."

Trying to Change Her Mind

It didn't have to be this way. Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying myself, but it didn't have to come to this.

Not the Spring Break He Had in Mind

Aaron had been trying to hook up with Sarah all semester, but she always seemed to think of him as just a friend. When she asked if he wanted to take the place of her roommate who had backed out of their spring break girls' trip, Aaron jumped at the chance.

It's day two of the trip, and Erin is farther than ever from hooking up with Sarah.

Happy Erection Day

Good morning, gentle readers! I just wanted to wish my American audience a happy Erection Da--

What's that? Oh, excuse me, I'm getting word now that it is actually Election Day. With that in mind, be sure to vote! If even your perverted wank material writer is telling you to do it, it must be important!

Investigative Reporting

"We're live in 5... 4... 3..." The producer signaled 2, 1, and Steve launched into the segment.

Is There Really a Wrong Way?

"Dale, I realize I've only been a woman for 20 minutes, so I might not be an expert, but I'm pretty sure this isn't how titty fucking usually works."

Halloween Costume Party Extravaganza!

Hey readers! I've come up with another interactive post as your special Halloween treat. Just click your way through to see all the options; no need to refresh the page. Enjoy!

"Hello, dearie. It's Halloween - the night every year when my powers reach their peak. With that in mind, I've decided to have a little fun with you. Why you? No need to overthink it."

Girly Costume

"What do you think? Is it too girly?"

"Dude, have you seen your body? I think you crossed "too girly" about four cup sizes ago."

"Ugh, you're no help. I just really want to win this costume contest so I can rub it in Samantha's face. We had the perfect couple's costume and she broke up with me the day before Halloween. I wouldn't stand a chance in the men's solo contest, but winning against a bunch of girls will be a piece of cake. That'll show her!"

"Didn't she say the reason she left was you always taking things way too far?"

"Shut up! The old man who sold me that spell seemed completely legit. Dealing with tits for a few days will be worth the taste of victory."

"Alright, whatever. Can we go soon? You've tried at least a dozen costumes."

"Geez, fine. I guess that's what I get for taking a guy shopping."

"YOU'RE a guy!"

Tricks and Treats

Yeah, let me guess... you're wondering if I'm a "horny devil", right? Well, I'd be careful talking like that. The truth is, I was actually a guy too when I showed up at this party. I was on the prowl, just like you. I swear!

What's a Picture Really Worth?

"Thanks again for helping me with this photo shoot, sweetheart. I know it's awkward, but I really do appreciate it."

"Awkward? No, why would posing for pictures in my mother's lingerie, in my mother's body, be awkward?" I replied through gritted teeth. "Besides, it's not like I had much of a choice."

There He? She? is...

"So Bill, this is your first time competing for the title of Miss Gender Bender. Are you nervous?"

"No way, Dan. Not only have I brought my A-game this year, I've also brought my C-game."

"So I've noticed! Think we could give the viewers at home a better look?"

"Of course!"

Change of Plans

It took every fiber of my being to not explode in a white hot rage. Ironically, my anger stemmed from a different explosion of something hot and white. "Hey Jared..."

Getting into the Driver's Seat

"Hey Erik, check these out!"

"Dude, Josh, what the fuck?!? Put those away! Why would I want to look at my mom's fucking tits?"

Ignorance is Bliss

"Oh man, this is so hot! Sure, I'm in my sister's body, but I'm finally making out with Stacy!" thought Kevin.

"This is incredible! I swapped bodies with my sister and an hour later I'm making out with Megan!" thought Adam.

Curvy Girls are Sexy

A word of advice: if your girlfriend ever asks if she's put on weight, the correct response is not, "Maybe a little, but it looks good on you!" Furthermore, you'll only dig yourself deeper if you follow that with, "Come on, curvy girls are sexy!"

Not the Brightest Plan

Omigawd! Was that like, the fucking front door? Karen was supposed to be gone all weekend! I can't let her see me like this!

Lawn Care, Self Care

"Mommy, why is Daddy wearing high heels?"

"He's aerating the lawn to help it grow."

"Oh. Why is he wearing a dress?"

"Because it makes him feel pretty, dear."

Changing Tastes

I just don't understand. Back when I was a guy, I loved lesbian porn.

The Things They Can Do with Computers These Days

My buddy Josh had told me about this "magic" computer program he had found that could transform anything about a person. I figured he was pulling some sort of prank, but he swore it was for real.

Testing a Theory

"Hey Phil, you ready to go?"

"Yeah, hang on one sec, I'm trying something."

"Uh, ok... whatcha doing, buddy?"

"Well, I was eating a cookie when I turned into this chick, right? So I figure if I eat some more, one of them should change me back."

"Yeah, don't you think maybe the cookie thing was a coincidence, and it has more to do with that coven of witches you flashed in the park earlier?"

"...."

"...."

"Nah, I think I'm going with my cookie thing."

The Flashing Roommate

Ugh, every damn time. Nick would get out of the shower, then "accidentally" drop his towel in front of me. "Haha, like what you see, big guy?" We had been roommates for a month and I couldn't wait to move out.

Mmm... Forbidden Donuts...

​Hi there! I brought you some delicious donuts! You should try one (or a few). I promise I have no ulterior motives!

Father Knows Breast

"Dad, I still don't think this is a good idea."

"We discussed this already, there's no better way. Just trust your old man."

"It still seems like you're enjoying this an awful lot. But there's another thing: how come your boobs get to be so much bigger than mine?!?"

Trying to Hide It

"What's going-- oh geez, Evan, come on!"

Big Buns

I can feel you staring, you know. That's part of the spell. Every time a guy checks out my big, curvy butt, I get a little tingle down my spine, along with a flush of embarrassment. I didn't used to look this way.